Moving forward is a lot harder when our eyes are locked on the rearview mirror. But it's been a long time since we have had to drive alone. And going forward isn't easy, especially when we weren't ready to leave in the first place.
People always tell me what I need to revert to when I me out on my own again. But won't that mean I'll end up in this position down the road? If I go the wrong direction and end up in a place where nothing seems right, does it make sense to put the car in reverse and try to restart a few miles back? Maybe I avoid the wrong exit. Maybe I do not. But who I was is the reason I ended up making mistakes. So why would I want this pain to be an inevitable part of who I am?
Is there anything more polarizing than being single? Those around us utilize their wealth of limited wisdom to cast judgment on our state of singleness. Nobody seems to want to guide us. Instead, they would rather prognosticate the rest of our lives based on our current relationship status. However, 50% of people end up divorced, so we could flip a coin to determine if we should even listen.
Singleness is not a disease and a relationship is not the cure. We trade individual freedom for intimacy. We forfeit independent resolutions for unwavering support. Neither choice right or wrong, the significance of the decision is rooted in circumstance.
Some argue getting in a relationship should wait until we determine what we want to do with the rest of our lives. However, that can make us unreasonably selfish and unwilling to compromise for the betterment of a relationship. Others argue distance is cancer to the chance of cultivating a marriage. But should love and commitment have distance constraints? Perhaps the most unreasonable argument for staying single is for us to wait until we know our list of what is and is not acceptable in a relationship. While that list can contain reasonable dealbreakers, it also can be full of unachievable expectations that cause us to forfeit our love for another due to inevitable imperfection. It causes us to lose the sense of grace and forgiveness necessary to be able to show our genuine love for one another.
Even if we possess the necessary tools, there is still a feeling that we are unlovable that eats away at our soul. As our friends get married, we wonder what is wrong with us? Slowly we forfeit our morals to obtain what we do not have, only to get to a point where we are no longer ready. We think marriage is a treasure and we need only discover the map to find what everyone else seems to possess. However, we realize the quickest way to find the treasure is to abandon the core of who we are to make ourselves fit the conventional mold of just good enough. We strip our clothes, limit our opinions, and become nothing more than a zombie, mindless in our pursuit, though it leads to the loss of what we once were.
I must admit I long for a wife. I desire the unwavering support that encourages me to conquer my fears. The joy in knowing that someone is as excited to see my call as I am to make it. But am I even deserving of that? Better yet, does my future wife really deserve to be stuck with the person I am now?
Moving forward from my past has shown me how broken I am in the present. We often avoid making necessary changes when the people around us justify our mistakes. Then, when we are left on our own, we realize we have filled voids with sand that erodes away when the storm comes. How can we ask someone to build a home with us when everything we have built rests on sand? Are we so selfish that we expect the other person to lift us up every time a storm hits?
So, in all this singleness, what are we pursuing? Who are we pursuing? Singleness is not a stain of the undesirable, but an opportunity for the Christ follower. So I ought to stop my mindless pursuits and take advantage of this gift.
If singleness does not define us and pursuing a spouse with no purpose does not guarantee marriage, what does? Am I really ready if I am willing to forfeit eternity for momentary satisfaction? What can I do behind closed doors that will honor my wife when that door is opened? What can I do to change what I have been doing and give up the life of endless pursuits?
Who did God design me for, and how can I serve God until I meet her, and still serve Him long after she is gone?