top of page

Objects: Messy Clothes

Updated: Apr 17, 2020

Glaring at the disapproving reflection in the mirror slowly illuminates the reality that a war is taking place in Seth's soul. It is undeniable. The heart and flesh are fighting, one for freedom and the other for comfort. Amazing how internal warfare causes such destruction on the outside world.

Justifying another one night stand will be hard, considering he does not even know her last name. The horror of the unexpected piercings and self-loathing he may never get over, but the number is already gone. The recipe for forgiveness is getting harder to practice, given Seth is starting to believe it no longer has value. Plus, there is another girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, and Seth can exploit it to see her chest.

Yes, he is that broken. He is sitting in church skin crawling because a shooter could come through the doors one day and start taking innocent lives. And what happens then? Of course, Seth could stay home, but that shooter comes no matter how often he avoids church. That is the trouble with forgiveness. The thief in the night is coming, and what will God say when he is snatched out of bed next to a naked body of a name he does not know? Praying the prayer and beliving the truth does not feel like enough.

These casualties of broken hearts and devalued souls were never the intention. He legitimately wanted to find love. But to commit again after the horror of love that has faded in the past is nearly impossible to comprehend. Instead, girls, worth more than they know, trust a broken man with genuine intentions.

Each conversation becomes a resolution to a broken past. This girl will not end up like the others. Seth triumphs over self-pity, declaring she will not be used for selfish ambition. But the obsession is creeping in like a spider at night, slowly crawling, not making a sound, ready to poison the unsuspecting in an instant. Nuances make ever girl different, making obsession easier to obtain. Dopamine rushing to the brain as the slight touch on the lower back leads to hands brushing until clenched together, a rush of adrenaline overwhelming any logic that remains.

The first kiss, watching eyes close, knowing the risk has been taken, and the relationship evolved is a feeling rarely paralleled. But that is merely the beginning. Slowly mouths open, fingers flutter, and everything is out of place.

The little things are what creates the feeling of love. The touch on the bare lower back, the kiss on the cheek, and the feeling of her fingers running through his hair create the love Seth longs to feel. The naked body is beautiful, creating a feeling of a king conquering a territory unknown, but it is not what satisfies Seth's unquenchable thirst. It only feeds the arrogant monster that foolishly suggests this is a territory he has earned. Amidst all the brokenness is sobbing child yearning for someone to hold him. It's the sparkle in her eye and the feeling of mutual insecurity that creates an indestructible bond.

But lust overwhelms, and bodies come together where animal instincts take control. The mess is made and the moment is over, and Seth is left feeling out of control. Sweat drips down and a naked body curls up onto a man in disbelief. His soul has been sold, and he wonders if it is over, if he can ever be forgiven again.

Tomorrow he will wake up, a blank stare in the mirror, and a promise it won't happen again. But Seth will be back, addicted no less, to a sin that has him in chains. Many think he is just a man satisfying what he longs to do. Little can see the truth of the boy that weeps, longing to feel love again.

42 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page