Suffering. It is seen as the altruistic form of God's love for His children, rarely combated with the truth that suffering is a necessary part of living. Growth stopped short of reaching its full potential as fear and shame become a catalyst to the pursuit of self-satisfaction. For Seth, even the thought of another dark moment cripples him to the point of feeling manic outrage. Slowly the darkness grips his innermost being as Seth forfeits control of his own persona in lieu of finding a sense of fabled peace. He is not the only one who endures such hardship. Gazing out the window, he notices a world in shambles living as if the brokenness curable through drunken nights and half-hearted relationships. Amazed by the reality that everyone is just looking for something to fill the void that perpetuates the very feeling of emptiness that rests in all beings, Seth begins to try to control the exterior. Riffling through profile pictures and collecting more numbers than a calculator, Seth desperately seeks comfort in the arms of an unworthy lover. Not to say the individual is not worthy of love, but certainly not worthy of forfeiting what dignity she has left to keep Seth from falling apart. Every person becoming more and more broken as Seth cannot rationalize his behavior any longer. Slowly Seth strikes the match that ignites the gasoline covered clothes that Seth has worn for many years. In pursuit of finding some insight as to why he must suffer, Seth set himself on fire to keep those around him warm. But at what cost? His self-sacrifice was not the selfless imagery he had illustrated when sharing stories with those around him. Contrarily, most of his work was rooted in arrogance that his own brokenness was somehow more holy than those around him as his strength to withstand the common pitfalls plaguing the world was enough justification for his misplaced self-righteousness. Closed doors and dark rooms could not hide the pain within, however, and the darkness always seems to flee when met head-on with the light. Moments were moving so quickly as darkness was cascading down to envelop Seth as the light faded to darkness, he then turned to outward appearances as a means of battling the turmoil within. Nevertheless, the battle could not be won by faking a triumph over evil as darkness had secured the grip on his soul. The broken bulb can always rest securely in a lamp and give off the illusion that out of the bulb will come light in a time of need; nevertheless, the darkest moments bring to light the reality that the bulb was nothing more than a false hope in a pitch-black room. Out of the bulb comes no light, despite the appearance that the bulb would indeed illuminate. The outward appearance could never fix the discontent that held back the light. Seth slowly crosses his legs one over another, in a calm meditative state. An empty bed, a quiet phone, and a darkness that blankets the void in him. But instead of turning to the world and presenting a finished product, he slowly unfolds the canvas that has crushed his spirit once again. But instead of pretending the world is good and that external validation is satisfactory, Seth looks inward to bring light to the darkness and fill the void once and for all. Instead of turning on the poisonous spigot that spews self-righteous liquid that only creates further erosion, Seth turns to a new source of living water that repairs that emptiness of sin.
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